Prashantam's letter to friends after climbing the sacred mountain Kailas
Lhasa, May 2005
Dear Friend
Love
I am writting this letter to you from LHASA in TIBET where i arrived last night after a 3 week journey to and around Lake Mansarovara and Mount Kailash, in the far-east of Tibet. This journey started in my heart and mind more than 25 years ago when i used to hear OSHO speaking about these places and the their mystic role in the hearts of millions of seekers.
As the years went by, i never gave up the wish to travel there.
Meanwhile found out so much more about the mystery and mysticism of Mount Kailash, that realise i was preparing for a very different kind of journey than all those i did around the world before. It hit me stronger when about two years ago, i started arranging schedules and chose time of the year to be able to travel to this very remote part of our planet... it was no longer a travelling adventure but rather a pilgrimage, a spiritual quest, a unique investment of all my resources and an experience that requested much more than material or physical possibilities. It was a like a journey to a Master, where i will face all known and hidden parts of myself. It was like All meditations that i have done put togethere in ONE, it was truely a journey to die and be reborn.....the ultimate pilgrimage.
Although i could feel this in me, as if the right spirit had blessed me, i was so far from knowing how deep and total would touch me. And i am not refereing to the enormous physical difficulties i had to go through.....it was hard, tough, un-human.....i wished so many times to quit,....and only this amazing presence of the KANG RIMPOCHE (as Mount Kailash is known by the Tibetans) sustained my journey and returned the energy for me to persevere.
There were moments so hard, that i would look up to the mountain and wisper: "please let me get to the end...then i can die!"... the winds were like knives on my face, the cold! impossible to get away from, the snow covered the only path there was (so they said, for i never saw any path....)and in these conditions my whole life would pass and repass in front of my eyes/thoughts.....i felt small, insignificant, mad to put myself through such horrendous challenge/meditation, i felt lost, far away from everyone and all, .....i cryed from pain and dispair....the body was totally out of control because of the high altitude and i did not know how to cope with the most basic biological needs....and all the time my only reference, my savior and guide was the Sacred Mountain. Its presence , resonance and Love were so imposing and clearly i felt in Its hands.
It happened then in one of those nights where sleeping was only a wish.....my body , all its cells and functions were in a delirous state, when with no warning i was out of all pain and sacrifices. There was i bright light of bliss, i was happy....truely SO HAPPY. And for many hours, may be the whole night, i cryed from JOY and GRATITUDE.
At first it was GRATITUDE without object...just un incredible wish to say GRACIE - THANK YOU - then slowly it took forms and faces. Gratitude to my 3 travelling compagnions (ORAZIO from Italy, AYDIN from Turkey and MEGHA-san from Japan) who were also going through their hells and heavens, gratitude to my Master's Koku sensi and OSHO, and so so on .... when it became a little more focused all my friends and lovers, one by one passed in front of my eyes/thoughts, and so there was also YOU.
In that moment i held you so tight in Gratitude for all the Love and Friendship that you have given to me this life, that as i write it to you now, days...it seems ages have passed, i still cannot hold back my tears and love feelings. Then Kang Rimpoche directed me to hurry and come and tell you this and say again to YOU, my friend, GRACIE - THANK YOU that you have loved me, it has been the blessings and the food to my heart and soul.
The day before last of completing the pilgrimage around Mount Kailash (The KORA or PARIKRAMA), there is a very high path to cross - the DROLMA-LA - about 5.700mts... it was like the last challenge, or the ultimate bliss... deepended a little "who" you were at that time!, i layed to the eternal winds a long line of prayer flags for good blessings to our Scuola O.D.H.A. and its members, i played a few notes on my japanese flute (Kyotaku) while Megha-san threw to the winds some of the ashes of KOKU sensei and then i layed another long line of Prayer Flags for all my friends and your wellbeeing and selfrealisation.
In that moment i looked at the Sacred Mountain and saw HER .....smilling!. My meditation was complete. It takes many long hours, and it is as hard to descend from the DROMA-LA as it was to climb to the top.....as i was coming down i had so much time to look into all that had been happening these passed days.
It was a profound teaching on SUFFERING (all self-created) and SELF-IMPORTANCE (all ilusion) and within i felt a lightness that i knew only from listning to OSHO talking about it. In my words the best i find to express it is as if there was a "I-PLUS" that now feels disolved and its left simply: " I ".
I look so much forwards to return to that ordinariness of my creativity and life as usual because i am coming down from the mountains with a tremendous wish to play more, love you "freerly", appreciate you better and not miss those moments where you need me to feel you and listen to your needs and ways.
My body can hardly stand on its own without effort....but i feel so fresh and light inside! I also need to ask for your understanding that this letter will not have follow-ups, and that i will need some time to digest the incredible "roller-coast" i lived this past weeks. I would have difficulty to talk about or answer to the needs of your coments and questions.
The time you gifted YOU and I while reading this is the recognition of how our life is so special and you so much so to me.
May this fin you in peace, loved and dancing.
OM MANI PADME HUM
Prashantam